I find my mind gathering much of late around the questions of how I walk this path. I find great value in intellectual investigation – study of scripture, the query of commentary, discussion with noble friends and exchange of ideas with others, opening to views and possibilities. Every text, every talk, every discussion, these are all words of my teacher, all guidance and grist. But, just as I would not discard the words of my teacher, so are these words of no value if I do not engage with them in a life of practice.
A practice unguided, uninformed by the experiences of those who have practiced long and investigated well the workings of the mind would be foolish for they help me find the path and find my way on the path. From one view, the Buddha was not special because he attained to liberation, but because he found the path on his own, without a teacher. I see no value in attempting a similar feat. But no better is it to embrace wise teachings and not put them into practice, to read the lessons but not do the exercises.
If I attend the gatherings, sit in singular meditation and listen to a dhamma talk, and then walk away until the next gathering, then I have done little, trusting that a subliminal imprint on the subtle mind might have some magical marginal manifestation in my speech, actions, perspectives or happiness. It is like waving a cloth over a bucket of dye and hoping the rising fumes will eventually color the cloth. How many times must I eat a raisin before I taste the coffee?
When I sit, what does it mean to “establish mindfulness before me”? What happened when I tried? What happened when I tried to be mindful of every breath, long and short, while walking, driving, sitting? Can I feel the in-breath while talking? Can I be mindful both in here and out there? When last did I practice listening? Can I listen with ears and eyes and body and mind? What if I try for a bit to be mindful of every in-breath that provides the puffs of air for speech? What would be the effect on what I say or how I say it? When last did I meditate? attend? give? try? care with action? open myself with effort? look in and reach out? how do I let go? what if I imagined acceptance as an expression of equanimity and then tried to do it?
Perhaps one day I will just sit, just walk, just see, just hear. What have I done today to train my mind, to calm the mind, to develop the perfections that are the base of just being? What is right action? right effort? What if I do?
Let me be present in this moment and let that presence be active and effortful. Wei wu wei – do not doing. Who claimed the effortless is attained without effort?
