I have returned recently from a long vacation enabled by a lack responsible employment and the subject has arisen of finding a gainful undertaking. A friend asked what I want to do and it raised in me the burning question, “What do I want to do?” Allowed sufficient time to fester this has evolved into a simpler question: “Why should I want to do anything?”
I think purpose, specifically the need to have purpose, is a disease. One without purpose is without ease. Perhaps my purpose is to become so happy without that I become happy within. I could easily start without a job, but what about all the other without this implies? Perhaps my within has a need which necessitates a without.
About bodhimitta
Professionally, I have had several primary careers in life, starting with a dozen years in the U.S. Army in the Military Intelligence field, then some years as an electronics technician in both the civilian and defense industries, and finally computer software, where I have been engaged for about 25 years.
My first serious attempt to adopt a spiritual path was in 1987 as a result of life gone awry and an attempt to get myself back on track. This took me to forms of Christianity, with which I did not connect well, and after a few years I left this path.
By 2001 I was bitter, demoralized, at odds with the world and everybody in it, including myself. Reaching a breaking point, I again threw myself into an effort to change my life. Being willing to try anything, I investigated several religions, studying their scripture and practicing their ways to one extent or another. Eventually this led to Hinduism and meditation, and seeking meditation training led me to Buddhism where I finally found my spiritual home. My path is born out of suffering and the Buddha speaks to me.
I have been committed to a Buddhist path for 10 years, studied the Pali canon for several years under the guidance of a Buddhist teacher, and sat a number of formal Vipassana and concentration meditation retreats and private retreats, the longest being 5 weeks in private retreat. I've made pilgrimage and spent months experiencing the history and culture of Buddhism in several Asian countries. I believe strongly in practice as a part of life and meet several times a week with people who have an ongoing, engaged practice. My experience is that teachers are found in centers, sangha is found in living rooms, and the dhamma is found in life.
